Is it because one is unsure of his feelings for another that it terrifies him to risk everything for love and for a decent chance at happiness?
That’s what I’ve been asking myself for almost three years. When I saw the signs, I thought
I was dreaming, that I was seeing it through rose-colored glasses, but something at the back of my head urged me to hang on. I believe that all good things come to those who wait, the question is, how long do I have to wait for something I want the most?
I would never forget the day I saw him again after 3 years—a summer day that started out slow. Out of boredom, I decided to tag along with my cousin who was working as a production assistant for a local entertainment group. On the taxi ride, I wondered where we were going. We finally reached the theatre and alighted from the cab. We walked through the red-carpeted halls adorned with life-size standees of famous theatrical characters. Left and right, the walls were adorned with a plethora of posters of timeless plays and musicals that have been performed here over the years. We rounded the last corner and headed to the main auditorium. The double doors were ajar, drawing us in almost in an instant.
Right there, standing center stage, with his back to me, was Lance. He was holding his sheet music as he sang to the music in his head. He turned around to face the newcomers and abruptly stopped what he was doing.
At that moment, I felt everything around me disappear. Oblivion took over as I held his gaze, frozen in time, standing face to face with the guy who would unknowingly steal my heart away.
“Hi! So it’s you,” the words flew out of his mouth.
“So it is. How are you?” I asked in reply.
“Doing good, better now that you’re here,” he blushed.
Who knew that this short conversation would open the doors to rekindling a wonderful friendship that would spark a never-ending string of questions and utter confusion?
I never intended for things that followed to turn out the way they did, but we started hanging out regularly, seeing him during rehearsals until the bright lights go dark. We were inseparable—we had something that only we could understand. Our actions started speaking for themselves as we tried our hardest to dispel the rumors about what was going on.
Months passed and I realized that I have fallen for him. I started envisioning a future with him, something that was a first for me, given the fact that I already had prior relationships. It was new to me. I found it incredible how my imagination worked at my will and how I could only see a clear picture with him by my side. Affirmative, I was smitten. I loved this man, but does he feel the same way?
We went on with our usual days out, hanging out and bonding with each other—every encounter was a treat until we reached the point that we know each other down to our pet peeves.
I looked out for signs that could corroborate my suspicions, but I kept on getting mixed signals. I couldn’t make things out, maybe it was his artistic side as he was unpredictable to my liking but I hung on tight.
As months turned to years, my spirits were going down. I felt dejected whenever I would think about where this was all heading. I reached my breaking point when my aunt told me he saw Lance going around town with some girl. It was her who awoke me from my deep sleep.
“My dear Summer, don’t take this against me but think about what I’m about to say. I’m doing this, not because I plan to ruin your life but because I love you so much,” she said as an intro. “If Lance is really interested in you, he would find time and energy to see you no matter how busy and tired he is. He would look for you wherever you are in the world, but from what I can see, he’s not doing any of those things.”
That’s when it hit me, she was right. I started to think whether this was still worth it. I was tired and heartbroken. I was waiting for a miracle that somehow I knew, was a long shot. I stood there, for nothing. That was when I decided to walk away from him.
Two months passed and I was at it well. I finally finished college and went on job-hunting, for some reason, my feet led me back home and inevitably, him. I avoided him every chance I get and shot down whatever he said to send my message across, but to no avail, it was an epic fail as I was best friends with his sisters. I surrendered by submission and started talking to him again.
Things went from worst to good, from good to better, but there was this voice inside me that screamed what I’ve been keeping inside, I knew I needed to ask him about us.
Sitting at the park bench, staring at the sunset, he was next to me—quiet and solemn.
“What’s this about?” he said breaking the silence.
“I’ve wanted to ask you something for a long time, but I didn’t because I didn’t know how I to ask you without imposing,” I said without looking at him.
“Okay, ask me. You know you can ask me anything.”
“What’s this? What are we?” I blurted out the words before I could stop myself.
I saw the shock in his eyes. I could sense that he was caught off guard and was clearly thinking about how to answer my question. He moved in closer as he reached for my hand without turning to me.
“Summer, you’re special to me. You always have been since the day we reunited in the theatre. I always wanted to spend time with you but I have obligations that hinders me from doing it,” he finally spoke.
“Special? Like a sister?” I confirmed.
“I love you, he finally looked at me with tenderness. “As much as I want us to be together, I chose not to act on my feelings and instead be by your side as your best friend,” he went on.
“Why?”
“I’m scared that I might not be able to reciprocate the love you show me. I see the way you care for my family. Who knows how long we’ll be together? And when the time comes when we have to end it, I can’t afford to lose all the relationships that we’ve formed in the process, especially our friendship. I cherish you that’s why I chose to keep the relationship that I knew would be long-term, because no matter what happens, we’d be there for each other. At least you know now how I feel,” he finally rested his case.
“I see, I understand. But just so you know, I love you too,” I said in response as I held his hand tight.
In a hug, we remained seated savoring the moment of love, confession and heartache.
To this day, I still couldn’t shake the feeling that we might have been good for each other. I kept on thinking what might have been, what could have been if we had our chance at love. Nevertheless, I got a lot out of it: I found out that I wasn’t hallucinating about the things I saw Lance did for me. He loved me, that’s what’s most important aside from the fact that I have a best friend in his person.
My heart was broken and put back together by the man that I loved. Moving on was hard but my beginning—the next chapter of my life was to be written by us, together, not just as the best of friends but also as each other’s soul mate.
That’s what I’ve been asking myself for almost three years. When I saw the signs, I thought
I was dreaming, that I was seeing it through rose-colored glasses, but something at the back of my head urged me to hang on. I believe that all good things come to those who wait, the question is, how long do I have to wait for something I want the most?
I would never forget the day I saw him again after 3 years—a summer day that started out slow. Out of boredom, I decided to tag along with my cousin who was working as a production assistant for a local entertainment group. On the taxi ride, I wondered where we were going. We finally reached the theatre and alighted from the cab. We walked through the red-carpeted halls adorned with life-size standees of famous theatrical characters. Left and right, the walls were adorned with a plethora of posters of timeless plays and musicals that have been performed here over the years. We rounded the last corner and headed to the main auditorium. The double doors were ajar, drawing us in almost in an instant.
Right there, standing center stage, with his back to me, was Lance. He was holding his sheet music as he sang to the music in his head. He turned around to face the newcomers and abruptly stopped what he was doing.
At that moment, I felt everything around me disappear. Oblivion took over as I held his gaze, frozen in time, standing face to face with the guy who would unknowingly steal my heart away.
“Hi! So it’s you,” the words flew out of his mouth.
“So it is. How are you?” I asked in reply.
“Doing good, better now that you’re here,” he blushed.
Who knew that this short conversation would open the doors to rekindling a wonderful friendship that would spark a never-ending string of questions and utter confusion?
I never intended for things that followed to turn out the way they did, but we started hanging out regularly, seeing him during rehearsals until the bright lights go dark. We were inseparable—we had something that only we could understand. Our actions started speaking for themselves as we tried our hardest to dispel the rumors about what was going on.
Months passed and I realized that I have fallen for him. I started envisioning a future with him, something that was a first for me, given the fact that I already had prior relationships. It was new to me. I found it incredible how my imagination worked at my will and how I could only see a clear picture with him by my side. Affirmative, I was smitten. I loved this man, but does he feel the same way?
We went on with our usual days out, hanging out and bonding with each other—every encounter was a treat until we reached the point that we know each other down to our pet peeves.
I looked out for signs that could corroborate my suspicions, but I kept on getting mixed signals. I couldn’t make things out, maybe it was his artistic side as he was unpredictable to my liking but I hung on tight.
As months turned to years, my spirits were going down. I felt dejected whenever I would think about where this was all heading. I reached my breaking point when my aunt told me he saw Lance going around town with some girl. It was her who awoke me from my deep sleep.
“My dear Summer, don’t take this against me but think about what I’m about to say. I’m doing this, not because I plan to ruin your life but because I love you so much,” she said as an intro. “If Lance is really interested in you, he would find time and energy to see you no matter how busy and tired he is. He would look for you wherever you are in the world, but from what I can see, he’s not doing any of those things.”
That’s when it hit me, she was right. I started to think whether this was still worth it. I was tired and heartbroken. I was waiting for a miracle that somehow I knew, was a long shot. I stood there, for nothing. That was when I decided to walk away from him.
Two months passed and I was at it well. I finally finished college and went on job-hunting, for some reason, my feet led me back home and inevitably, him. I avoided him every chance I get and shot down whatever he said to send my message across, but to no avail, it was an epic fail as I was best friends with his sisters. I surrendered by submission and started talking to him again.
Things went from worst to good, from good to better, but there was this voice inside me that screamed what I’ve been keeping inside, I knew I needed to ask him about us.
Sitting at the park bench, staring at the sunset, he was next to me—quiet and solemn.
“What’s this about?” he said breaking the silence.
“I’ve wanted to ask you something for a long time, but I didn’t because I didn’t know how I to ask you without imposing,” I said without looking at him.
“Okay, ask me. You know you can ask me anything.”
“What’s this? What are we?” I blurted out the words before I could stop myself.
I saw the shock in his eyes. I could sense that he was caught off guard and was clearly thinking about how to answer my question. He moved in closer as he reached for my hand without turning to me.
“Summer, you’re special to me. You always have been since the day we reunited in the theatre. I always wanted to spend time with you but I have obligations that hinders me from doing it,” he finally spoke.
“Special? Like a sister?” I confirmed.
“I love you, he finally looked at me with tenderness. “As much as I want us to be together, I chose not to act on my feelings and instead be by your side as your best friend,” he went on.
“Why?”
“I’m scared that I might not be able to reciprocate the love you show me. I see the way you care for my family. Who knows how long we’ll be together? And when the time comes when we have to end it, I can’t afford to lose all the relationships that we’ve formed in the process, especially our friendship. I cherish you that’s why I chose to keep the relationship that I knew would be long-term, because no matter what happens, we’d be there for each other. At least you know now how I feel,” he finally rested his case.
“I see, I understand. But just so you know, I love you too,” I said in response as I held his hand tight.
In a hug, we remained seated savoring the moment of love, confession and heartache.
To this day, I still couldn’t shake the feeling that we might have been good for each other. I kept on thinking what might have been, what could have been if we had our chance at love. Nevertheless, I got a lot out of it: I found out that I wasn’t hallucinating about the things I saw Lance did for me. He loved me, that’s what’s most important aside from the fact that I have a best friend in his person.
My heart was broken and put back together by the man that I loved. Moving on was hard but my beginning—the next chapter of my life was to be written by us, together, not just as the best of friends but also as each other’s soul mate.